Kids change your life.

Dammit, I was trying to avoid heading straight into cliché city but there you have it, but hey, it’s a cliché because it’s true.

I have learned so much about myself these past 3 and a bit years (the before he was born stuff is also a good time to reflect on how you WANT to be before the baby arrives). Becca and I talked about the type of parents we hoped we’d be and, by and large, we are still where we want to be. Our parenting style is largely ‘the path of least resistance’ which doesn’t mean Jack gets his own way whenever he wants, but that we try and keep stress out of things.

It’s not always easy, and this was one of my fears that my temper would get the better of me at times (as it is wont to do). Before he was born I read up on a few things to try and prepare myself, to try and find a way to find the calm when I was exhausted and had no energy left, what I didn’t realise is just HOW tired and drained I’d feel but, on the whole (bar a couple of instances) I’m proud of the type of Dad I’ve been.

Of course I looked to my own Dad, my own upbringing, to get some ideas and one thing I remember about my Dad was how calm and laidback he was about virtually everything. However, I get my temper from my Mum so instead I tried to find ways to figure out what MIGHT trigger me into anger and thought of ways to deal with those emotions.

The BEST piece of advice I read in this area was this:

“If you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, and angry at your child, take a look at their hands and feet. Look how small they are compared to yours. This is a reminder that they are still new, still learning the world, and don’t have the vocabulary to tell us WHY they are crying, or why they won’t go to sleep, or why they don’t want to put their pyjamas on. Then need you to help regulate their emotions, and will mimic yours, so breathe deep and be calm and patient.”

Easier said than done at times but overall it’s stood me in good stead, and I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of times I’ve actually fully lost my temper; which typical manifests itself with me leaving the room he’s in to go and compose myself, but Jack can still time something is wrong.

I’ve learned to be patient too, and do my best to take my cues from my son, figuring out when he wants my attention, and remembering that whatever I was looking at on my phone can wait, these moments with him won’t.

He’s almost 3, he’s chatty, he’s curious about the world, he’s learning so much so fast, it’s sometimes not easy to remember he’s still very new to this world, and doesn’t understand that he needs to sleep, or needs to have a bath (or needs to get OUT of the bath…).

From him I’ve learned to stop and crouch down to look at the world through his eyes, re-finding fascination in the smallest details. I’ve learned that I am kinder than I thought, that I am proud and happy to his Dad. Fatherhood sits well on me and while at times I find myself hankering for some parts of my ‘before’ life (like watching a movie from start to finish in silence), and I don’t get out on my bike as often as I should, I know that all of that is just noise, that my life right now is being a father, is being Team Jack with Becca, and it makes each moment of each day easier to handle. It’s whatever he needs, and if that means every night I sit in a chair in his room in the dark for an hour or more to help him get to sleep, then so be it.

I’m his Dad, that’s what I need to do. Everything else can wait, everything else will still be there waiting for me when/if I return to it.

I think I’ve discovered more little things about myself in the past 3 years than I have in the 47 that preceded them. I’ve discovered a willingness to put another person first utterly and completely, a happiness is seeing him grow and knowing that we are doing a good job as his parents, an utterly terrifying and completely irrational fear that something will happen to him, and a quiet acceptance that for now HE is my life.

I don’t mean that in a losing myself kinda way, more that since meeting and falling in love with Becca I’ve found myself where I need to be and FOUND myself, and that’s made it so easy to put ‘me’ aside for a while so I can focus on what matters the most right now, my beautiful boy who turns 3 next week.