In the blink of an eye you’ve gone from the tiny scrunched faced baby I held so gently in my arms the first time I met you, to a boisterous, inquisitive, smart, silly, powered-by-snacks, running and climbing daredevil!
I’ve learned so much from you, not just the usual things like how to keep you alive, or how to change a nappy, but things that have helped me grow too. Things like putting my phone down to focus, like being mindful of how I react to things, or taking a moment to consider what I’m about to say to make sure I word it correctly. You’ve taught me patience, and brought an inner calm that I genuinely didn’t know I possessed.
I mean sure, sometimes I get pretty annoyed when you are in full toddler denial mode, but even then I know it’s just because you have a lot of emotions and you don’t know how to express them healthily (yet) and more and more often I’ve paused, took a breath, and started over with a smile and a hug.
That said, I think your Mum and me both agree that we have gotten pretty lucky that you are, on the whole, a pretty level headed, sensible boy. Yes there are tantrums but they aren’t screaming/shouting ones. Yes there have been nights of poor sleep but these days you are pretty reliable to go down for an entire night without too much fuss. Don’t get me wrong, I know that we’ve done a lot of work to get to this stage but we are happily reaping the benefits when they are there.
I’m sure there will be other challenges in the future but for now, we have things fairly well figured out between us, and we are able to roll with the punches when we don’t.
Before your were born I ran through the usual gamut of fears about whether or not I would be a good Dad, and which of my personality traits would you inherit, the good ones or the bad ones? I still don’t know the answer to the latter but the question itself is, I now realise, completely redundant. We are doing our best to bring you up to be aware of your emotions and, given that so many mental and physical health issues stem from not being able to process emotions in a healthy manner, I think we feel like we are heading in the right direction, giving you a good solid start in life.
As you’ll know by now (when you read this later, you know, when you can read) I write a letter to you every month. I’ve covered a lot of things in those letters, but regardless they all start and end the same way. I guess that’s all that your Mum and I have been trying to do, be consistent. We are giving you a consistent start to your life, in the hope that the bits you’ll control (the middle and the end) will be everything you want and need to them to be.
Every single day I spend with you I build more memories that I cherish. The simplest of which is when you turn to me and, apropos of nothing, look at me earnestly and in your quiet little voice say “I love you Daddy”.
Love you kiddo x
